Frank Off The Radio: The Frank Skinner Podcast

00:00 It's Frank off the radio, Frank off the radio, Frank off the radio. It's the Frank Skinner podcast, don't you know? 00:10 Everybody's a dreamer and everybody's a star. 00:17 And everybody's in movies. It doesn't matter who you are. This is Frank off the radio. 00:24 I'm me. And I'm joined by Emily Dean. We all are. Well, actually, there's some people. I'd dispute that. I'm joined by Emily Dean and Ruth Hosko. Follow the podcast on Instagram. 00:36 You can email the podcast via frankofftheradio at avalonuk.com. You can WhatsApp us. 00:43 Oh. Her little jingle. I nearly forgot. Yeah, we had jingles. 00:47 Yeah, come on. 00:48 You can WhatsApp us on 07457 417 769 Yeah. 00:59 That one's probably the best for remembering the number, even if it is a little kids TV CD UK. 01:04 Even if it's the worst in every other aspect. Yeah. 01:06 Yeah, you've said it now. 01:09 I felt that was a bit in Spiral Carpet's 90s. Yes. The wonder stuff. 01:15 Mmm. 01:15 Inspired. 01:17 Mmm. 01:19 Yeah. Okay, I'm going to go with you on that. Thanks. 01:22 Yeah. 01:24 Okay. 01:26 So look. Sorry I brought it up. No, no, it's okay. 01:29 He's got a previous with the Spiral Carpet. 01:31 I don't really know in Spiral Carpet stuff, so I'm a little lost. 01:36 I know a bit of that. It's more my era, if you don't mind me saying. And I know charlatans. Do you know charlatans, Frank? 01:43 I remember I once... You've worked with a few. I have. Yeah, Bobby Charlatan. 01:49 Jackie Charlatan. That would be great if there was a family of well-known fakers. 01:56 Anyway, so speaking of football... Oh, yeah. I blame Wonderwall. 02:02 It's clearly unlucky. I mean, I think Noel wrote it for his partner of the time when they split up. 02:09 It didn't work. 02:10 Then he had a big argument with his brother. It's a fucking monkey's paw. England should have kept one away, but no, no, they knew best. They wouldn't listen. So that went wrong. I'll tell you what I did think. I thought what would be so brilliant and would be a moment I would savour... Until, I used to say things, I'll remember this for the rest of my life. Yeah. And I think it's optimistic. 02:34 I might not remember my close family. You know, we all end up like, there's dangers of that. But wouldn't it have been fantastic if when the England team had gone up to the fans at the end, the fans had sang, Don't Look Back in Anger. 02:51 Oh, why didn't they do that? 02:52 It would have been, oh man, so brilliant. 02:55 That would have been a great ending to it. 02:59 Anyway, it was that we are no longer in the World Cup. It's over. 03:03 It's a bit devastating. 03:05 Well, you know, to be fair, it's not the first time that Germany has prevented us from winning a major trophy. Just in the old days, they used to come marble-handed. Now they've sent a sort of lone wolf agent hiding in plain sight. 03:23 And... 03:25 Frank, do you know what I decided my favourite moment of the entire World Cup has been? Was when Mark Pugach was interviewing Roy Keane, Gary Neville and Ian Wright. 03:36 We once did a thing, me and Dave Baddiel, on a podcast where we were on a boat going to Robben Island. Do you know that? 03:46 Yes, I remember when you did that. 03:47 And it was me and Dave, Graham Taylor and Mark Pugach, and we said, what would the ranking be? LAUGHTER If you went down. Yeah. And anyway, we ended up, I don't know if we got this, I don't even remember if I said it, but talking about, we were so terrified you could see Mark Pugach has a dark poo patch. 04:11 How did that go down with it? 04:14 I don't know if we ever contact. It's harder to contact people in those days. 04:20 Anyway, my favourite moment, Mark Pugatch, this is before the France and Spain game. Mark Pugatch is interviewing, has Roy Keeney and, you know, the usual suspects, Gary Neville. And, you know, when they bring a celebrity on, said, oh, we've now got Brian Cox. 04:37 The actor, not the professor. He's a big football fan, you know, and he sits down. They have a sort of slightly awkward interview because the footballers don't know how to be with the talent. It's a bit weird. He's more sort of intellectual, Brian Cox, and they're a bit frightened of him, I think. 04:50 Yeah, I'd be frightened of him. 04:52 He is quite frightening. And then Mark Pugach, I don't know if he had to fill, I don't know why he did this, but he said... 04:58 He slapped Brian Cox across the face. 05:02 Just out of the blue. He didn't even put, you know, he still had his script in one hand. 05:08 No, what he did, to my mind, was worse. He turned round to Roy Keane and said, Roy, is there anything you'd like to ask Brian? Now, if you were going to go for support to anyone on that panel, right, would be my first choice. You know, he's friendly. He's up for it. Then Gary, not Roy. And Roy did exactly what I predicted he would do. He went, No, you're all right, thanks. 05:34 On live TV. The trouble is that it feels like an insult to Ryan Cox, doesn't it? 05:40 And there was sort of an awkward laugh. It was awful, but it was fabulous. 05:44 What if they brought the astronomer, Brian Cox, on after the Argentina game? Do you know, he has that perpetual smile, that sort of wistful, faraway smile. 05:54 Why does he smile all the time, Frank? 05:55 Well, you know, he's making a living from doing maths. Oh, yeah. 06:00 He's taken the wonders of the universe. He is, yeah. 06:04 Oh, man, he fucking loves the wonders of the universe. LAUGHTER 06:08 He's mad for it. 06:09 Just marry him. 06:10 Marry if you love him so much. 06:12 Yeah, exactly. Then they'd all be called cocks, though. 06:18 Just get what he wants, then. That's what he's after. He can come on this podcast. 06:24 Football cocks. The one thing that did piss me off was everyone's been going on about Thomas Tuchel, or as Wynne really calls him, Thomas Tuchel. 06:35 Why does he do that, Frank? 06:37 Thomas Tuchel. And I thought, Wayne, you must have heard other people saying his name. In your job, someone else will have mentioned Thomas Tuchel. And you would have thought, oh, Tuchel. But he's never... Also much more scouse, Tuchel. But don't you find generally there are people who, like, I mean, I think I've got it with Star Wars. 07:00 You have. Star Wars. 07:04 Why don't people hear him? 07:08 To be saying Thomas Tuchel. 07:12 Anyway. And he said... Because what pissed me off last night is Thomas Tuchel has become famous for doing hard-hitting... 07:22 be totally honest interview. So we didn't play well enough, we didn't follow up. And last night when it was totally his fucking fault, when we got knocked out of the World Cup, I thought this is a bit, he can come on now and say, well, I've criticized the players, but actually I made a major technical, I lost my nerve. 07:40 Went too defensive, I'm sorry. 07:42 Yeah, it would have been. 07:43 But no, he said something, you know, the coach must take the responsibility. And I thought, that's not you. That's some sort of abstract idea. But anyway. 07:53 That's like, I'm sorry you feel that way. I love I'm sorry you feel that way. But isn't he? Because didn't he say Frank at one point? 07:59 I'm sorry if that offended you. 08:01 At one point he said, no regrets. 08:04 Oh, no, yeah. I thought, well, some regret. 08:06 I don't write edict. 08:08 Yeah. Je ne regrette rien. 08:11 I always want to feel that. What's that other one? There's no regrets. Who sang that? Brian Ferry, isn't it? No, I don't think so. 08:18 Oh, no, you're right. It's not. Oh, I'm going to remember who that is by the end of the show. And I'm not going to Google. No, it's more modern. And I'll remember it. No Googling by the end of the show. 08:28 Anyway, they came back from one of his Criticising the Players interviews, Thomas Tushel. 08:35 And Wayne Rooney said... 08:38 Well, to say one thing for two, it doesn't take any prisoners. And I thought, I wish you hadn't used that price. 08:45 I mean, let it go now. Forgive and forget. 08:51 I've been calling him Thomas Touche. I like to shorten things. 08:55 Yeah. 08:56 Oh, Tom. Did you see that everyone fancies him? 09:01 Yes, apparently he's got a massive female fan base, yeah. Well, it might be male as well, but I know the women have been out in droids. 09:08 I didn't know that. 09:09 They like him. I think it's vibe-based. 09:12 What does that mean, though? 09:14 I think it's his aura, yeah. I mean, it might be his physicality as well. 09:18 He's slim. 09:22 Because you're easily pleased. 09:24 Is there anything else you want in a partner? He's slim. That's so insulting. What attracted you to your husband? He's slim. 09:31 Yeah, but, you know, when I walk the streets, it seems like a really unique and... 09:39 I mean, I'm a skinny bloke. When he got frightened last night at the end of the Argentine... 09:43 He did get frightened, Frank, didn't he? 09:45 Yeah, I thought, you know, it happens to us thin blokes. We think I should do this, but I'm too thin. I'm just too thin. I can't pull it off. 09:54 Do you think he got scared? 09:55 I think he did. Oh, he did get scared. We all get scared sometimes, because some of us aren't paying millions not to get scared. But we don't want to... dwell on that yeah my feeling at the moment is I don't want to win the Euros because I don't want to give him the pleasure but that will that will pass of course I'll tell you what I did I got I watched a game at David Baddiel oh was Ezra there he even congratulated me when we lost what did he oh because we established recently and I love this that David always says individually well done Frank well done Ezra well done Moana and he congratulated you oh Yeah, I think just for staying the course. 10:36 And was Ezra there? Because last time Ezra Badil wore a dressing gown. 10:39 No, this time Ezra sent a photograph and suggesting, he wasn't in the photo, but the photo included on the table next to his cocktail a Panama hat. So I think he might have worn that. What I'm now calling his unlucky Panama hat. 10:58 Especially as Panama was in the World Cup. 11:00 Yeah. 11:01 I mean, sort yourself out. 11:03 Well, I watched the Norway game with David Baddiel at our mutual friend Jonathan Ross's house. 11:09 And he's lovely to watch the football with. I will give him that. Although, does he do this with you, Frank? I've noticed with food, like, you know what Jonathan's like. He's very Tudor King. All the sweets and the food is laid out. And there was a massive, massive bar of Toblerone. And I thought, I'm having that. 11:26 So I just broke it. I know Jonathan won't mind. 11:28 One of those like an airport. 11:29 Yeah, that's what Jonathan just puts on the chair for us. Just in case you fancy it. 11:33 They're very handy if you park on a hill. 11:41 I love that. I always keep one of those for my A, man. So anyway, I broke it open. And David, I could sense his little eyes darting over at me. 11:52 Like there was a sense of injustice. I was eating it. And then he went, I'd actually like some of that. But it was the actually I found. 11:59 Did he think he was going to eat it all? 12:01 Well, I was. No, but he just, it was interesting that he didn't wait. He was concerned that the offer wouldn't come. So he said, I'd actually like some of that. 12:10 Yeah, well, he does get food envy. Oh, is that what it is? When we go out for a meal, he'll often really be staring at my meal saying, I should have had that. He actually says, I should have gone for that. And I don't really, I don't enjoy it. It's like I've done something wrong. You know what I mean? That's awful. Yeah, I find myself becoming cowed by it. You know, when you tell a dog off, they sort of hold their head down a bit, their ears go back. I get like that. I didn't know. 12:41 I didn't know mine would be nicer. 12:46 Do you ever offer him a little bit? Like throw a bit like you throw? No. 12:49 Oh, like I do with Ray. I'll let him have a taste. 12:51 It's like when I feed Ray with David, give him a little toe blind triangle. 12:55 I'll let him have a taste. 12:58 I did the Bill Murray again last night. I'm doing a lot of warm-up gigs. And this is a comedy pub. It's a comedy pub. 13:05 And the woman who works there said to me, you going to watch the match tonight? 13:12 About England and Argentina. Yeah. 13:14 And I said, yeah, yeah, I'm watching. She said, do you want England to win? 13:20 And I thought, this is the indelible impression I have left on the consciousness of the public. 13:29 I was thinking Frank Skinner, if he wants England to win. 13:32 Yeah, exactly. 13:33 I'd love it if you said, do you know what? 13:34 There's really been a difference in this... 13:37 I'd love Argentina. 13:38 It's a comedy pub as well. It's not like I just met someone at an allotment. It's a comedy pub. Can I watch the match tonight? What the fuck? I didn't. I just said yes. 13:51 Oh dear. Well, Frank, it's sad, isn't it? But how can you make us feel better, Frank? You always make me feel better at times like this when England lose. He does. 14:02 Things were put in perspective when I walked back to my house. I could see an England fan standing right in my gateway. 14:12 In an England shirt and everything. I thought, uh-oh. Quite a big bloke as well. 14:17 Yeah. I beg your pardon, that was me. 14:21 No, you usually do the other. 14:22 Yeah, you do the back entrance. 14:25 I've heard that. Oh, Frank, don't pull in. Don't bowl underarm to me. Order. Don't bowl underarm. 14:33 So anyway, I thought, oh, what's this? 14:37 Is this in your front garden? 14:38 Yeah. So he's literally standing inside my front garden. 14:43 So I said, all right. And he said, oh, sorry, Frank, I didn't mean to start. Yeah, I'm a bit, you know, a bit gutted. 14:52 I said, OK. And he stepped out and he said, the end of the game is there wasn't a single Arsenal player on the pitch. 15:04 And I thought, oh, God, thank God, we've gone club football again. We can all relax. Yeah, exactly. That was to me. We've gone parochial. 15:13 Yeah. It's a much safer place to be, Frank. 15:15 Oh, it is, yeah. And I said, yeah, I know, that was terrible. It was tough for us. They were tired, you see. 15:20 We were tired. We'd done too well. 15:22 Very tired. Done a whole season. 15:26 It's all right. It's all right, darling. My favourite bit of the World Cup, thanks for asking, was the cuts to Mick Jagger. Yes, I loved that. 15:39 I couldn't read. He had a slogan on his baseball cap. 15:42 Oh, did it? Did he? 15:43 I couldn't read what it was. 15:45 I do love the people, the random people. We had some Cesc Fabregas sitting next to Orson Wenger. There was a Norwegian chess player. Oh, yeah. David sent me and he said, I've identified who this is. 15:58 I didn't recognise him. Magnus Carlsen. Magnus Carlsen. Did you see the Walker's advert? Yeah. 16:05 Yes, I did, where they invite Messi and Steve Carell is involved. They all go back to the house. 16:10 There's Messi and David Beckham, Thierry Henry's in it. And what I couldn't understand, the theme that they play throughout it is House of the Rising Sun, which is an old American folk song about a teenage sex worker bemoaning the terrible mistakes she's made in life and asking other girls not to go down the same dark road that she did. 16:35 backdrop for a fucking Chris Padford with footballers in it. 16:40 You're right. The lyrics are, it's been the ruin of many of you. 16:45 A poor man. 16:46 Well, they made it a male song. Oh, I get it. But the original, it's a poor girl. God knows I am one. 16:52 But it's still a lament, Frank, isn't it? Yeah. Whichever way you look. Is it the Animals I heard the version of? 16:58 Yeah, they did it. Bob Dylan did it, I think, before then. But in the song, they made it a male song. So he says, you know, I went to this... House of Ill-Repute, essentially. A lot. Too much, and it's ruined me. But the original, I think more powerful, is actually one of the sex workers saying, you know, I live a terrible, lonely and miserable life. Crisp, anyone? No one... Millionaire footballer, anyone? 17:30 Who chose that? 17:31 And due to socioeconomic deprivation, I've been forced into this life. Yeah, exactly. And then we cut to Messi. 17:40 I don't know. I don't get that. 17:42 Hey, do you know what I didn't know? Because it's Lionel Messi. David Baddiel signed his present to me. 17:49 David Lionel Baddiel. And I said Lionel. He said, no, it's Lionel. 17:54 No, it is Lionel. I thought it was, but I believed him. Has he adopted Lionel to sound like Messi? I think he has. 17:59 I think he has now. You have to say Lionel. 18:01 I'm sure he's always said Lionel to me when it's cropped up. 18:05 Three Lionels on a shirt. Lovely, Ruth. 18:09 Who would the three Lionels be? 18:11 I'm a Blair. We both went Blair. 18:14 Attention must be paid for Blair. Who else? 18:16 Who are the other Lionels? 18:17 Well, Messi, you can... Richie? Yeah, you've done it, Ruth. You've done it in one. Who was yours? Richie. 18:23 Lionel Richie. 18:24 It's got to be Richie, Blair and Messi. 18:27 Yeah. 18:27 Do we have any more Lionels? Any more for any more? 18:32 Lionel Jeffries. 18:33 Was he in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, the granddad? 18:36 He was. Oh, I love that. Yeah. But let's not. I don't think we're going to hold the audience if we have 20 minutes. 18:44 It's going to be like England trying to hang on to that gold advantage. 18:47 Trying to think of Lionels. 18:48 Text in if you know any more. We'll hang on for 23 minutes and park the bus with Lionel. 18:55 Oh, Frank. Okay. Well, I feel slightly better having seen you. I feel I can put it behind me. And as you say, return to club football. 19:02 Well, I remember watching, I remember being in, I can't remember which World Cup it was, but I was with Dave and Germany were absolutely wiping the floor with us. And I leaned across to him and said, we were like 4-1 down. 19:18 Mind you, I said, I've just remembered I've got soft mints in the van. 19:22 Yeah. I love that. 19:24 Just the little things that, you know, that make it seem okay. 19:27 I love that. 19:28 Oh, I love a soft mint. 19:30 Anyway. 19:32 What about you, Ruthie? What have you been up to? Well, I've spent most of the week having blast from the past hay fever. 19:51 I think that's a 70s. I don't know if, because I'd never had it when I was little. And in primary school, I used to see kids with streaming eyes and sneezing. And I never had it. 20:03 Number 11 on the top lip. That is for the thing at my school. What's that? You know when kids, both their nostrils were running. 20:10 Well, we had a boy who was known as the boy with the runny nose. People I knew still called him that now. 20:19 He's here again. 20:24 Boy with the snot on his lid. Why do some children always have runny nose, right? 20:30 I don't know the answer to that. I think there's less of it now. Why? It would be something to do with pollution. 20:36 Oh, yeah. Oh, God, you're right. 20:38 I always remember in primary school, other kids would always have bogies with their nose. I just can't. 20:45 I can't even talk about it. 20:46 I can't discuss it. Do you mind? But I never did, you see. I just used to look at them and think, why don't you just blow your nose? They don't know. It's not something I'd do. And that was with hay fever. I used to think, I don't think that would ever affect me, hay fever. 20:59 But I wasn't allergic to cats until I got to about 50. I mean, these things can just creep up on you. 21:06 Well, it was only David Baddiel's cats that I think made you allergic to cats. 21:09 No, I lived with his cat and it was fine. 21:10 And you were fine with Chairman Meow. 21:12 It was my dentist cat that set me off. 21:14 Oh, okay, fine. 21:15 What about that? 21:16 Yeah. 21:17 So, you don't seem very hay feverish. 21:20 Well, I was this morning, but I better know. 21:23 Have you taken? 21:24 It's Puritin, you see. 21:26 Oh, yeah. 21:27 Oh, yeah, you've got to be careful with that stuff. Have you? Yeah, it really knocks you out. It's very strong and there's also, yeah, I'm just saying. 21:34 Um... 21:35 Purriting. 21:37 So, what was I going to say? Yeah, so I don't understand why and I don't understand, it's not like I've been running through fields of wheat. 21:47 Oh, I thought you were doing a video for the new Alexander Armstrong album. 21:55 Are you going to Scarborough Fair? Frank went, not if you are. 22:03 Long scarf. Finished with my woman, cos she couldn't help me with my mind. 22:12 Did you think he sings a version of House of the Rising Sun, Frank? Xander's version of House of the Rising Sun. Oh, I bet he does. He does. 22:22 I work as an administrator at the House of the Rising Sun. It's only a summer job. LAUGHTER But Mummy said it would do me good. So did Winchester. Oh, God. I'm studying the history of art all time. 22:47 So he must be riddled with, or maybe he's absolutely immune. That's why he can go through the field. 22:51 Who's Zander? Yeah, that's what he can walk through. 22:53 I think the secret is he does a lot of autumnal filming. He does. 22:58 Zander is very, hey, provost, leave those kids alone. 23:03 Isn't he? He's peak provost. Oh, I love that. And I love him for it, don't get me wrong. 23:07 He's a very, very nice bloke. 23:09 Always charming, these boys. 23:11 And people, is he still doing the albums? They were big sellers like... I hope so. 23:16 Bradley Walsh's album was a big sale. 23:19 I didn't know Walsh did an album. Oh, God, yeah. What sort of songs does he sing? Similar types? Cruise numbers, cruise ship numbers. 23:27 They do this thing called the Pratt Pack, which is Shane Ritchie, Bradley Walsh, Joe Pasquale and Brian Connolly. 23:35 And do they call themselves? So they're taking ownership of it. That's clever. They're getting ahead of the criticism. Yeah, that's right. But they do a live show, do they? 23:42 Oh, yeah, they tour it, and it's very undone bowtie, glass of scotch. 23:46 Is it very, you're just too good to be true? That's it. 23:49 Is it that? That's life, that's what all. 23:52 But do they do Rat Pack songs? 23:56 Is that what they specialise in? Is it swing? Who would you call that? Croona? Frank will know what it is. That sort of stuff. Rat Pack. I just call it Rat Pack. It's like, oh, what a party, what a swell party this is. 24:07 Yes, all that stuff. 24:09 Oh, Frank, should we go and see that? No. 24:13 I'm glad it exists. I'm glad it exists. Don't get me wrong. But, you know. 24:21 I'm glad Tahiti exists, but I'm not going any time soon. 24:25 I would quite. Shall we go, Ruth? I'd love to. 24:27 What, to Tahiti? No! 24:29 No, to the Pratt Pack tour. 24:30 I want to go to the Pratt Pack. 24:31 Yeah, go. 24:33 Is it a current thing? 24:34 I think they've just finished a tour. People kept sending it to me. Did they? Yeah. 24:38 I suspect they make a lot of money from that tour, don't you? 24:42 I hope they do. 24:44 Okay. 24:46 A fool and his money has soon parted, as they say. 24:51 No, they're all good blokes. I wish them well. I watched the Norway game. I was at 2000 Trees Festival. I'll tell you what, they said to me, you can park in the VIP bit. 25:11 Oh, yes, that must have been when I watched it with David. He was very honest, which I liked. He said, I'm only watching it with you guys because Frank isn't available. And I respect that, honestly. 25:18 But I thought it's great to park this close to the... Yeah. And then after the car alarm had gone off three times to move in, every time a bass guitar kicked in, the vibrations going through the ground set my car alarm on. Who knew? That never occurred to me that that would be a problem. I couldn't even work out what it was at first, why it was going off. 25:44 Somebody said, you need to just disarm your alarm. And I thought, as a rapper going past, you need to disarm your alarm. 25:56 Obviously, I don't fucking know how to do that. 25:59 I'll move the car, mate. 26:01 You can't do that. 26:02 No, I wouldn't know how to do that. 26:04 Can you change a tyre, Frank? 26:06 I have changed the tyre. 26:07 Good on you. 26:08 I changed it for, you know that radio show I've never seen Star Wars? 26:14 Yes. 26:15 Where you have to do things you've never done before in your life. 26:17 Did you manage it okay? 26:19 Well, I had instructions. I had somebody telling me what to do. 26:22 Okay. 26:23 If my car, if I, you know, burst tyre on the motorway, I wouldn't have a clue what to do. 26:30 No. Well, I do know what to do now. I'll call the police and they came out. Did they? Because my car had broken down in a live lane and it was in a slow lane and at that point you're meant to call the police. It was an obstruction. 26:42 So if you'd got onto the hard shoulder, they wouldn't have come out? I don't know. Worth knowing? 26:49 I don't take this as advice to break down. 26:52 If my car starts to struggle, I'm going to pull across into the fast lane. They'll be there in no time. Please don't do that. I'll tell you what, I might go sideways. 27:02 Please don't take this as advice. No, no, don't. 27:06 But I was able to get through because when I got through, the police had told me. They were charming. We had a great relationship when they came out. There was a load of squad cars around. There were a load of cars surrounding my car. 27:16 I'll tell you what happened. So at the festival on Saturday night, the Norway game was on at 10 o'clock. 10 o'clock. So what they did was there's a Marshall suite. Maver's. 27:32 Marshall Suite, Fall album called that. Yeah. 27:35 Anyway, so they cleared that out and put a big telly in there. Lovely. And took all the speakers out, like, you know, the obviously had speakers. And then you had to have a special wristband, which I'm still wearing, to get into that screening. 27:49 But I put an England shirt on. I hadn't worn an England shirt for a while. 27:56 Which era? Can you remember off the top of your head? 27:58 Yeah, 96. 96. 27:59 Oh, now that I would want a photo of. 28:01 But it was the white one. 28:03 F Skinner and a 96. 28:04 So I turned up in that and they were playing music and they played Three Lions and everyone was going wee. And I started doing, you know that embarrassed look? You know when, like, if someone's on a chat show and they show a picture of them singing when they were 19 and they have to put their head in their hands and look embarrassed? 28:25 Yeah. 28:26 And instead, I got up and sang the whole song from start to finish. Oh, I love that. I know, but I'll tell you what. There was... I felt people sort of had enough... 28:41 There was a restlessness. I know. I thought, I've got to get to the end there. 28:49 Can I ask, at what point in the song, what lyric did you feel, I've overstayed my welcome a bit? 28:55 I think it was when it went into the last I'm Coming Home. You know the bit where the three lines up. But when that came in, I thought they'd already gone. Yeah. They were still there. But you know, I don't know if you've ever done this, but when you're walking out into the garden, have you ever looked down at the spider in the glass with the coaster underneath it? And it's looked terribly trapped and confused and uncertain what's happened. That's how they looked, these dogs. 29:27 Like I had them trapped under a tumbler. 29:29 You had to release them. 29:31 Oh, man. 29:32 But I know what you mean. There's that sweet spot, isn't there, where you think it'd just been one verse, but then you've committed and you've got to do it. 29:38 I won't be. You know, I'll give them what they want and, you know, blah, blah, blah. I gave them what they want, but there was quite a lot left on the plate. LAUGHTER Oh, Frank. 29:51 But when you finished, how was it? I'm trying to think of the end of three lines. Is it a big finish or does it fade? 30:00 No, I can't remember. 30:02 No, I feel like it fades. 30:04 I haven't got that far for years. 30:05 I think you might just go, football's coming home, repeat. And so how did you finish? Did you just, did you go? 30:12 I just, it stopped and I just sat down. 30:17 Did you get a round of applause? 30:19 No. 30:20 Oh, that's quite bad. 30:22 Yeah. 30:22 Oh, I would have cheered you, I think. 30:23 I don't think I got a round of applause. I don't know. I was very much locked into the fetal position. 30:29 Oh, Frank, it is quite embarrassing. 30:34 Oh, yeah. 30:35 Because you've really put yourself out there. 30:37 Yeah, I thought, I'm going to give you what you want. Yeah. 30:41 And then you went, today is going to be gone. Let's go. 30:44 I think I did do that, actually, to try and get myself out of the hole. 30:50 You'll like this one. Yeah. 30:54 And then lightning struck the tent when I sang Wonderwall. 30:58 Even though the lyrics aren't nearly as sophisticated, you'll like it. 31:02 The terrible curse. 31:04 I think you might have something in it with this curse. I'm sorry. 31:07 Yeah. 31:09 Well, we've done the football now. 31:12 What about the world of the outside? 31:14 Yeah. Should we do some of outside the world? I think we should. 31:19 We've heard from a lot of people getting in touch, obviously, about the football. A lot of people saying, don't worry, Frank, we're still with you. We love Three Lions. 31:28 Oh, OK. 31:29 So that's good to know. We've also had, I won't read these out, but we've also had a lot of praise because you featured on the Katie Price documentary that's been out on Netflix. 31:39 Oh, no, not Netflix. I apologise now, TV. On how sensitively you chatted to her. Because there's clips from your chat show back then. 31:46 Oh, that's way back. 31:48 Had a lot of women calling you an ally, I'm just saying. Really? Yes, because back then people seated very much like a cartoon figure. They didn't take her seriously. And I watched it and I was a little bit proud of you. 31:58 Well, I'll tell you what. My autobiography had been out. 32:03 Mm-hmm. 32:05 And I went to the publisher and I said, I've met this woman, Jordan. Everyone called her Jordan then. 32:11 And I said, she's really interesting. She's funny. She's very, very honest. But she's vulnerable. I said, I really felt... I was genuinely worried for her in the world she's in. I said, but I've written... What I'd like to do is travel with her... 32:30 to personal appearances, whatever she's doing, modelling, TV shows, and write a book about being with Jordan and what her life's like. 32:40 That's fascinating. 32:41 And he said, no one's interested in her. That won't sell any books. It's such a good idea. A few years later, she wrote books and they went massive, yeah. Anyway. I've always liked her. 32:56 No, I was very proud. You know what it's like, Frank. Sometimes we look back on the 90s with our friends and you're Tommy Steele yourself. 33:03 I don't. 33:04 Whereas in this case, I just felt so, I felt very proud of you. 33:07 What about when I got interviewed by The Sun and the journalist said... 33:11 So there must be things that you said in the 90s that you regret saying now. I said, yeah, but not as many as the sun. What did they say? It didn't make the interview funnily enough. 33:23 Imagine what the sun said then. 33:27 Talk about what they say, pots and kettle. Yeah. 33:30 I mean, yeah. Let's not talk about some of their headlines. Yeah. 33:36 We've had a lot of people getting in touch also about Jesus Christ Superstar. 33:44 Don't say that, you scare me. Sam Ryder himself responded to your impression of Rob Brydon as Jesus Christ Superstar with a big ha ha ha laughter emoji. He approves. That's good to know. 33:57 Good old Sam Ryder. 33:58 We love Sam. 34:00 Very well reviewed he was, as he said, J-Zoo. 34:04 Kelly has got in touch. On Tuesday, I also attended the Jesus Christ Superstar opening night. 34:13 My partner spotted Frank in the distance and I set off on a mission to try and meet him. These opportunities don't arise very often. 34:22 I found Frank in the crowd and he was gracious enough to let me have a photo. Oh, that's kind, Frank. 34:28 I don't remember that at all. 34:29 Well, don't ruin it. 34:31 It's a nice thing. You don't have to say, I don't remember it. 34:34 I saw. 34:38 Very good. Very well saved. Oh, man, tact. It's everything in this job. 34:42 Beautifully done. Lovely save, Pickford. I saw Brian Connolly afterwards, your mate Ruth. Mentionitis. 34:50 And after an argument with my partner, who insisted it was George Lamb, I'd never get them mixed up, would you? 34:58 Oh, no, you would know because he's gone grey. Who, George Lamb? Yeah, he's grey, isn't he? And Brian Connolly is now as well. 35:04 Yeah, but that's all they've got in common. There are a lot of people who are grey. 35:08 Do you know what I mean? No people. Me and Mary Beard are never mixed up. Oh, actually, there was that once. Come think of it. 35:18 I mean, that's ridiculous. I can't. Surely. 35:22 I can't really. 35:23 We don't mix George Clooney up with Keir Starmer. They're both gone a bit grey. Anyway, he too agreed to a photo once he'd swallowed a chewy canapé. Oh, Chewbacca. Chewbacca. 35:34 I would like to know Frank's opinion on the performance. It's a very modern version. Did he approve? Well, we've already kind of covered this. Frank liked it. 35:40 I liked it. I liked the great big cross. It was a really, really big cross. Not the one that he was at the stretchy bike, satchel things. But the big cross, that was very impressive. 35:54 Oh, are you in favour of a big cross? 35:57 Generally speaking. Okay. 35:58 It's just good to know. 36:00 Can I say, just to close this, that mentioning Keir Starmer, Keir Starmer finished this week. He left. 36:08 Yeah. 36:10 He did, I think, the best joke I've ever heard done in the House of Commons. What did he do? It was a proper joke. I would have been happy to tell this joke on stage. Do you remember when he was in a school and he did 6-7? 6-7. Yeah, he did that. I don't think I saw him do 6-7. 36:26 He got in a bit of trouble, people said, and the teacher said something like that. 36:30 Well, the great thing was, one of the kids said six, seven, blah, blah, blah, and he started doing it. He joined in, Kia. You do the thing when your hands go up and down, you say six, seven. 36:42 Scales of justice type thing. 36:43 I don't really understand it, but my son still thinks it's hilarious. But anyway... 36:49 He said, yeah, someone asked him his worst moment online. And he said, I think it was when I did six, seven. He said, and the worst thing was afterwards, the headmaster said to me, that's actually against the school rules. He said, and I heard myself say, well, I didn't start it. 37:09 It's not a funny joke. It's a real funny joke. 37:13 Why didn't he say that kind of thing more? 37:15 I know. That's what I thought. But you know what? My dad always used to say this about leaders. He said, freed from office, that's when you see the best of them. It is true. Their soul is liberated. 37:25 It's like when you're dumping someone, they suddenly look better. They seem more articulate, you know. 37:31 It's never happened to me, but yeah. Either way. 37:34 Okay. 37:35 Yeah. But what a great joke. The joke they used to say was the best joke ever in the House of Commons was Vince Cable, someone who Emily had a crush on. This is why I loved him. And he said, what's happened to Gordon Brown now? He used to be Joseph Stalin and now he's just Mr Bean. And I remember thinking only in the House of Commons would that be seen as a moral decline. Yeah. 38:06 bring back Stalin yeah it's the Frank Skinner podcast a new winter change is blowing it's the Frank Skinner podcast I'm not totally sure how it's going 38:28 Thanks for listening to the podcast. Make sure to like and follow so you never miss an episode. And if you want to get in touch, you can email the podcast